Crime Camp
You must be at least eight years old to enroll and you must graduate from Street Camp before enrolling in the Crime Camp course. Crime Camp is tailored to meet the needs of eight-year olds who have not yet dropped out of school and who have three months of summer vacation. After graduating from this course you'll be ready to drop out of school and start your own full-time illegal business.
Crime is on the rise throughout the US and you don't want to be left behind in the very competitive field of juvenile mayhem! Our course will prepare you to RIDE THE CRIME WAVE! Does the idea of scoring an 8 ball, stealing a police car and driving around running over hookers sound appealing to you? Would you like to run an multinational smuggling ring by the age of 14? Hell yeah you would!! But first you have to learn the ins and outs of the criminal underworld.
You must be at least eight years old to enroll and you must graduate from Street Camp before enrolling in the Crime Camp course. Crime Camp is tailored to meet the needs of eight-year olds who have not yet dropped out of school and who have three months of summer vacation. After graduating from this course you'll be ready to drop out of school and start your own full-time illegal business.
Crime is on the rise throughout the US and you don't want to be left behind in the very competitive field of juvenile mayhem! Our course will prepare you to RIDE THE CRIME WAVE! Does the idea of scoring an 8 ball, stealing a police car and driving around running over hookers sound appealing to you? Would you like to run an multinational smuggling ring by the age of 14? Hell yeah you would!! But first you have to learn the ins and outs of the criminal underworld.
A Word about Preparation:
It should go without saying, but this is the time in your career where you'll start to see real benefits if you've previously taken advantage of our inter-species gene therapy and hormone enhancement treatments. You simply cannot compare the difference between a youngster who has received these treatments and those who have not. Children who receive these treatments are in a league of their own, and frankly, other criminals no matter how tough, ruthless or experienced, just cannot compete with a child who has developed an unprecedented amount of muscle, mental stamina and best of all, a monstrous, feral appearance.*
* Full disclosure - not all gene therapy recipients will look the same. Results vary from person to person. Depending on other genetic factors, some recipients will retain more of their innate human characteristics, while others may experience a fully-developed inter-species transformation. A small fraction of recipients may experience complete loss of language ability. This procedure. is not available from The Mayhem Group where prohibited by law.
It should go without saying, but this is the time in your career where you'll start to see real benefits if you've previously taken advantage of our inter-species gene therapy and hormone enhancement treatments. You simply cannot compare the difference between a youngster who has received these treatments and those who have not. Children who receive these treatments are in a league of their own, and frankly, other criminals no matter how tough, ruthless or experienced, just cannot compete with a child who has developed an unprecedented amount of muscle, mental stamina and best of all, a monstrous, feral appearance.*
* Full disclosure - not all gene therapy recipients will look the same. Results vary from person to person. Depending on other genetic factors, some recipients will retain more of their innate human characteristics, while others may experience a fully-developed inter-species transformation. A small fraction of recipients may experience complete loss of language ability. This procedure. is not available from The Mayhem Group where prohibited by law.
One of the most dangerous occupations is that of an unskilled laborer in the world of crime. Whether you plan to become an international racketeer, or whether you just want to steal pigs and vandalize churches, this summer camp covers a ton of material and you'll graduate with a strong working knowledge of virtually every type of crime being committed in the United States. Armed with this information, you'll be able to choose an area of long term focus that best suits your personality and skills. Below is just a small sample of subjects covered in this extensive course.
- Everything you need to know about running a ring of street whores at a run-down murder motel on the outskirts of your town's dilapidated factory district.
- We'll teach you all about locksmithing and safe cracking and how to read construction plans and blueprints.
- Steal human organs from morgues and hospitals, or cut them out fresh from old people at the nursing home. Sell human parts locally out of the trunk of a stolen car or internationally on the internet!
- How to dominate the worldwide blood-diamond market: Topics include extorting renegade mine owners, and rubbing out mobbed up competitors at the local level.
- Negotiating the vicious world of the underground adoption market, from managing corrupt, drug addict nurses in the maternity ward to infiltrating and taking over a million-dollar Albanian orphan broker business.
- Talking to the police when you have a dead hitchhiker in the trunk
- Taking over an established criminal enterprise and eliminating the weak links
- Going to the mattresses: Gangland wars are terrible for business and if you let them go unchecked, they will destroy your syndicate's bottom line. We teach you proven negotiating techniques that will stop these conflicts and get everybody back to making money.
The last week of the course involves moving to a boarded up tenement slum on the east coast, clearing out the squatters and using the new building as HQ for your loan shark business.
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