Hobo Camp
You must be at least nine years old to enroll in Hobo Camp. In many ways Hobo Camp is the most dangerous camp of all, because our staff is not there to protect you from older criminals who are also riding the rails. The life of a child hobo has been described as mostly boring and very lonely, punctuated with sporadic episodes of stark terror when adult hobos are trying to murder you. We believe a good percentage of Hobo Camp attendees are killed by perverts during their journey. Hobo Camp is not to be approached lightly, and we strongly recommend that you first attend some of the other camps to be better prepared for the dangerous and violent hobo journey.
You must be at least nine years old to enroll in Hobo Camp. In many ways Hobo Camp is the most dangerous camp of all, because our staff is not there to protect you from older criminals who are also riding the rails. The life of a child hobo has been described as mostly boring and very lonely, punctuated with sporadic episodes of stark terror when adult hobos are trying to murder you. We believe a good percentage of Hobo Camp attendees are killed by perverts during their journey. Hobo Camp is not to be approached lightly, and we strongly recommend that you first attend some of the other camps to be better prepared for the dangerous and violent hobo journey.
A high level perspective
When you or your parents select Hobo Camp, you'll receive extensive training before boarding a coal train in West Virginia. For the first 24 hours of your journey you'll be accompanied by Whiskey Jim, who'll help you get settled in and will demonstrate how a real hobo handles confrontation with dangerous predators at night in the boxcar. You'll be provided with a small backpack containing some dried food and a knife, as well as some fishing equipment, and you'll be given the name of a person to contact once you arrive at Union Station in downtown Los Angeles, California. On the second day of your journey, you and Whiskey Jim will shake hands and part ways. From that point on you'll be completely on your own, which is why we set the minimum age at nine years old for Hobo Camp.
When you or your parents select Hobo Camp, you'll receive extensive training before boarding a coal train in West Virginia. For the first 24 hours of your journey you'll be accompanied by Whiskey Jim, who'll help you get settled in and will demonstrate how a real hobo handles confrontation with dangerous predators at night in the boxcar. You'll be provided with a small backpack containing some dried food and a knife, as well as some fishing equipment, and you'll be given the name of a person to contact once you arrive at Union Station in downtown Los Angeles, California. On the second day of your journey, you and Whiskey Jim will shake hands and part ways. From that point on you'll be completely on your own, which is why we set the minimum age at nine years old for Hobo Camp.
Preparing for your journey
Unlike the other summer camps, which have a scheduled end date, Hobo Camp is open ended, because we don't know how long it will take you to reach your destination on the west coast. The open ended nature of Hobo Camp allows us to spend approximately six weeks training you in areas that are crucial to your success, including:
Unlike the other summer camps, which have a scheduled end date, Hobo Camp is open ended, because we don't know how long it will take you to reach your destination on the west coast. The open ended nature of Hobo Camp allows us to spend approximately six weeks training you in areas that are crucial to your success, including:
- Trapping small game, fishing, water sanitation and edible vegetation
- You'll learn advanced fighting skills that include bare-handed fighting, knife fighting, using rocks, rolled up magazines and other mundane objects to disable your opponent
- You'll receive daily hormone treatments to help you build strength and give you a more formidable presence
- You'll become adept at lying for survival
- Becoming accustomed to the dark loneliness of the hobo trail
Build a Convincing Narrative
Over the course of your journey you'll absolutely need to lie in a convincing manner. Below are some examples:
Over the course of your journey you'll absolutely need to lie in a convincing manner. Below are some examples:
- Never let authority figures know you're on your own. If you're captured by authorities during your journey, it's very likely that you'll end up in jail or in foster care, and your parents will be arrested for child endangerment.
- You'll need to be able to convince older and possibly deranged criminals that you are not a desirable target. It's better to avoid having to fight, therefore convincing predators that you have a deadly and contagious disease is very useful. You'll learn to talk about diseases such as cholera, typhus, plague, leprosy, AIDS, rabies, mange, monkey pox and dengue fever.
How many kids are successful in reaching their final destination in Los Angeles?
Approximately 50% of children make it to Union Station. About half of the kids who don't make it are discovered by law enforcement and turned over to Children's Services. So in the final tally, about 50% of the kids arrive at their destination, 25% are captured by the authorities, and the other 25%... well we just don't know, because we don't hear from them. By far, the greatest predictor of success is whether the child has taken advantage of our inter-species gene therapy program. Generally these children instill fear into other hobo travelers.
Approximately 50% of children make it to Union Station. About half of the kids who don't make it are discovered by law enforcement and turned over to Children's Services. So in the final tally, about 50% of the kids arrive at their destination, 25% are captured by the authorities, and the other 25%... well we just don't know, because we don't hear from them. By far, the greatest predictor of success is whether the child has taken advantage of our inter-species gene therapy program. Generally these children instill fear into other hobo travelers.
Isn't jumping onto a moving train incredibly dangerous?
Of course it is... especially with the newer trains in use today. The container cars are much different than in years past, and special tools are needed to get inside them. We provide you with the tools and we teach you how to use them. Without these tools and training you wouldn't stand a chance, and being crushed under the wheels of a freight train would be inevitable. Now is a good time to remind you that everything about Hobo Camp is dangerous, the perils are virtually endless and there's a very good chance you won't survive the journey. We think that's what makes Hobo Camp so exciting!
Of course it is... especially with the newer trains in use today. The container cars are much different than in years past, and special tools are needed to get inside them. We provide you with the tools and we teach you how to use them. Without these tools and training you wouldn't stand a chance, and being crushed under the wheels of a freight train would be inevitable. Now is a good time to remind you that everything about Hobo Camp is dangerous, the perils are virtually endless and there's a very good chance you won't survive the journey. We think that's what makes Hobo Camp so exciting!
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