Street Camp
You must be at least Six years old to attend this course. By the time you graduate from Street Camp, you'll move effortlessly among the ranks of the juvenile delinquent class.
We'll turn you into a monster, and even older, more experienced street people will respect and fear you. Your parents, teachers and even law enforcement will notice a change in you and will start treating you like a real criminal! Some of the foundational components of the course are listed below:
You must be at least Six years old to attend this course. By the time you graduate from Street Camp, you'll move effortlessly among the ranks of the juvenile delinquent class.
We'll turn you into a monster, and even older, more experienced street people will respect and fear you. Your parents, teachers and even law enforcement will notice a change in you and will start treating you like a real criminal! Some of the foundational components of the course are listed below:
- Under the expert care of a formerly-licensed physician, we'll provide you with POWERFUL HORMONES to help you build muscle, deepen your voice, grow facial hair and change the structure of your face to give you a formidable, dangerous look.
- Find out if you qualify for our exciting offshore bovine gene-mutation therapy that gives you the strength of a bull and causes horns to grow out of your head. This procedure is in the experimental phases and not currently permitted under US law. Qualifying participants will travel to our doctor friend in Nigeria. Valid US passport required.
- You'll graduate from Street Camp with a hateful, depraved appearance. People often say that our Street Camp graduates look like "feral predators that are more animal than human." Intimidate your peers, teachers, church people and social workers just by walking into a room! Even hardened criminals will cross to the other side of the street when they see you coming!
Speak with confidence on subjects that are important in the street and criminal community, such as:
- Forensics have pretty much ruined the arson game
- Drugs are cool but I'd rather be a dealer than an addict
- Bitch better have my money
- The real money is in the stolen kidney market
- I'm dropping out of school cuz I already know everything
- ADX Florence already has a cell with my name on it
- Through your appearance and behavior, you will single-handedly lower property values in your neighborhood.
- You'll swear at your parents, start fires and kick people, throw rocks, eat with your mouth open, laugh when old people fall down, litter, spit, drink cheap liquor from a bottle, climb out of your window at night, and vandalize everything in sight.
- You'll become fluent in the urban criminal folklore of your neighborhood and speak knowingly about "the good old days of the Whiskey Wars, when even schoolchildren carried Tommy guns everywhere."
The information contained herein is for entertainment purposes only. You should always consult with your parents or attorneys before responding to anything posted on the internet.